


Will You Have Me?

by tardisswimmingpool



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:06:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisswimmingpool/pseuds/tardisswimmingpool
Summary: John finally admits his feelings to Sherlock who is having a hard time grasping the situation. I haven't written in awhile, so it's not the best, but I was in a Johnlock fluff mood.....





	

The room was silent, but in the back of my mind I was screaming. There was so much I wanted to say, but any and all words clung to the back of my throat in a nervous attempt to save my dignity. Sherlock stared at me, his face pale and expressionless as if he was a machine trying to process information but he had experienced an error. I averted my eyes, but his gaze bore into me, and I anxiously started biting my lower lip until a drop of blood touched my tongue. Just say something already, I thought, put an end to my suffering. 

"You..." He stammered, "You want...I mean..." the thought eluded him and he went back to vacantly staring and occasionally blinking rapidly at me for another minute or so.

I smiled awkwardly and reached over as if on autopilot to grab his hand because that's what you do in this sort of situation right? Or maybe not. Perhaps this would make it worse. Shit, why was this so hard.

"Would you say something?" I tried to chuckle but the reality was I was dying on the inside.

"You....love m...me?" His voice was plain in nature and showed no indication of reciprocating my feelings. 

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, and I considered just getting up and leaving before facing rejection, but some part of my brain held me back. Why? Because suddenly I felt a tiny squeeze from his hand. 

"John, I...There's so many other normal people," he emphasized the word "normal" as if he saw himself as another species.

"I don't want normal," I said almost solemnly.

"But why me?" His voice was gradually raising and I thought it best if I would leave him alone for awhile, but he persisted. 

"I think you already know the answer to that. You said it yourself, I'm attracted to adventure."

As if dissatisfied with that response, he stood up and began pacing as he often did when faced with a conundrum. He didn't appear angry, but he didn't show any signs of joy either. In fact, his expression remained frozen and his eyes locked on his feet as he walked.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked. "Because I can go. We can drop this whole thing, just forget I ever said anything."

"I can't forget it," he spun around and looked at me, his eyes suddenly turning a pinkish color and his voice cracking a bit. "I don't want to forget it, but..."

"But what?"

"I...I don't know how to do this," he moved his hands about, but towards nothing in particular. 

"Do what?"

"Feelings," he finally sat down again but this time with his face in his hands. "Do you realize how hard this has been for me all this time?" 

"Well I can't say it's been very easy for me either but..."

"You're not getting it," he was suddenly getting angry.

"Tell me then. Tell me what I'm not getting."

"John, I've been attracted to you since the moment I met you, and you always overlooked my advances. I finally decided that there was no use in pursuing you, but I could never get rid of that tiny voice in the back of my head that kept nagging at me. It took a lot of effort, and I had nearly gotten over you, thinking this is never going to work, and yet here you are now. What are you trying to accomplish by this?"

"Nothing. I'm not trying to accomplish anything," I said anxiously, "I don't know what you want from me?"

"I want you to tell me why you didn't tell me before?"

"I guess," I paused, "I guess it was because I was afraid."

"Afraid?"

"You know how society is. I suppose I got too wrapped up in caring about what other people thought of me. I was ignorant, and selfish and it wasn't until recently that I realized how incredibly depressed I was back then. I didn't know it, but it was because all along I wanted to be with you but couldn't find it in myself to tell you," I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing, "And so like a coward, I ignored it. And now...well after all the hell I've been through, I've finally realized....just how hopelessly in love I am with you."

It was a sappy answer, and I nearly considered just smacking lips with him and getting it over with, but it felt like something that had to be said. 

"You could do so much better, John."

"I don't care," it felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders and I was left feeling at peace for the first time in my life. "Will you have me?"

The question hung in the air for what seemed like eternity. I sat motionless, desperately trying to ignore the sweatiness of my palms and the trembling of my lower lip. 

"I've never felt this way before. I'm not sure what to do about it," he clutched his hand to his chest and breathed heavily, "I can't promise that you won't get hurt."

"I'm willing to take that chance."

His expression softened and I thought I caught a glimpse of a tear in the corner of his eye, but he blinked it away. I reached out my hand to caress his face, and he placed his own hand on top of mine. He savored the moment before sitting down next to me and lying his head on my shoulder.

"I'm so messed up," he murmured.

"Hey, look at me."

He lifted his head but wouldn't look me in the eye. I spoke anyway.

"You and I met for a reason. We are meant to work through this together. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, that's how it's always been. Fighting crime, solving mysteries. Hand in hand, right? The game is on."

He didn't respond with words but I could tell by the look on his face that he understood.

"We're ok then?"

He nodded.

"So does this mean that you are going to grow a mustache again because I don't care what the magazines say, it doesn't..."

"Just shut up and kiss me."


End file.
